As human beings we all need security, love, and social belonging. We all want to belong and receive love from others but at the same time we should want healthy, fulfilling, and satisfying love. It's saddening to see we as women depriving ourselves of this much needed love. Why do we do this? How do we do this? Reasons as to why may vary from woman to woman. But when it comes to how, here are 3 ways in which we block love in our lives.
1.The Superwoman Syndrome
As women, we are faced with many responsibilities such as being a wife, sister, friend, daughter, aunt, colleague, coach, mom, organizer, counselor, President of an organization(s), entrepreneur, the go to girl, the go get it girl, the do-er and whatever else. As women, we take on a lot of people's stuff without blinking and eye. We don't realize how these things affect us, we internalize and suppress people's stuff and our stuff and eventually self-destruct. We don't do a great job with setting limitations and boundaries with others. We also don't do a great job with putting ourselves first on our "to do list" Hence, this is why we suffer from burn out because we don't take the time to love ourselves first. In order, to help others, serve others and encourage others, we must do these things to take care of ourselves first.
Many women feel guilty when loving and putting themselves first. We are here to tell you that if you don't take time to care for yourself, you will be taken advantage of, become resentful and become bitter. Self-care is a must! You are doing yourself a service when you care for yourself. Celebrate yourself by loving yourself and appreciating all your greatness.
In an Essence Magazine article it was reported that 900,000 African American women EACH YEAR are getting cosmetic surgery, while the number of Caucasian women have slightly declined. Lately cosmetic surgery is increasing among sistahs, take for example Vivica A. Fox and Lil' Kim. Lil' Kim underwent cosmetic surgery because she said that she wanted to be the "Black Barbie". More and more African American celebrities are getting things nipped and tucked. Now for the women who idolize these celebrities, they tend to want to follow suit. One of the women interviewed in the article, a 40 year old professional, stated she spends $500 a month to get hydrogel injected into her backside in order to look like the "voluptuous video vixens" as seen in King Magazine. The 40 year old professional confessed that she is tired of coming home to an empty house and wants to keep a man interested in her because she is tired of the twenty somethings "taking all the men.”
Another young lady in her mid twenties was interviewed and discussed how she enrolled in an oral sex class at a local adult shop due to her "lack of experience and knowledge" about oral sex. She further explained how her current boyfriend, "inspired" her to do so. This young lady's,"oh so loving" boyfriend, told her that her "head game" was weak and she needed a crash course on oral sex in order for them to continue their relationship. When I read this I thought, he better be an oral sex champion his damn self and if so why wasn't he sexually empowering her and strengthening their intimacy through exploration and communication. That’s another article in itself. Imagine the deep emotional bruising that was caused to her self worth and self esteem. She agreed and enrolled in the class to upgrade her "head game".
When we have not received appropriate behaviors to model such as healthy love, a sense of belonging, and attachment; we latch onto unhealthy behaviors and people. When you are lacking confidence and self esteem it is virtually impossible to expect anyone else to treat you with a sense of dignity and respect. Like my girl Lauryn Hill said " How you gonna win when you ain't right within? "
3. The Sistah Shade Room
Let's discuss dysfunctional sisterhood shall we? Sometimes I wonder did our mamas and aunties and them have as much drama as we see on Love and Hip Hop or the Real Housewives? I feel like in this current generation, the level of female drama is at an all time high and it is lethal. I believe that when we open our subconscious mind to these images we see on "reality TV " we begin to believe it is ok to treat our friends and sisters this way too. The gossip, the back biting, the cat fighting is so toxic that it will naturally block anything good from showing up in your life, let alone the love you want and need. When a sister-friend is constantly negative, stuck in life, doesn't communicate and doesn't respect the circle of sisterhood, they no longer serve your purpose. You must build up the courage to release that friendship with love. Releasing these relationships lovingly is so important because you are allowing yourself to let go of any resentment and bitterness that will keep you jammed up internally.
There are divine laws that govern our lives whether we know it or not. One in particular is The Universal Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states that like energy attracts like energy. So think about it. What type of reality will you attract when you don't love yourself and are tied up in toxic relationships?